The Tipping Plate

Cover Image by OpenAi

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a lot on my plate. I’ve actually prided myself on the fact that I can take on a lot. At one point, I had a therapist who asked me why I thought I liked being buried in work. She is no longer my therapist. Now I have the blessing and curse of having a close friend who is a therapist. She likes to ask things like, “Do you think you are overcompensating, or do you think productivity is your coping mechanism?" What an absurd thing to ask someone.

After doing some deep work, I realized I started to feel more tired than usual. I started to say no to more things. I remember telling a friend that I felt like I was losing my superpower, to which she responded, “Good, your nervous system is healing.”

For my 31st birthday this year, I did a staycation. I got a massage. It felt heavenly. But afterwards, I felt more tired than before I did it. That’s when I realized something. My therapist was right. My friend was right. But this time, instead of having a full plate, I had a tipping plate.

I often say that my blog is important to me, but for the past few years it has been at the edge of the plate. My health started to dwindle. I remember sharing my lab results with a friend, to which she said, “Don’t worry, God will tell you what to get off your plate.”

Everything I tried to take off felt wrong.

I had to ask myself, am I doing any of the things I do out of guilt? Out of obligation? Out of all the things I do, which ones actually bring me joy? Reading brings me joy, and I haven’t been reading as much. I wish I could tell you I shared this great tale with you because I figured out how to balance my tipping plate. That is not the case.

I recently read The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, where she said, “Every time I’m doing well in one area of my life, there are a few areas suffering.” I relate to that line so much. I knew I loved Shonda’s shows, but I didn’t know my big epiphany about my 31-year-old crisis (I didn’t say midlife on purpose) would come from her. I did college with TGIT.

I want to have a well-balanced plate, but the high achiever in me has so many things I aspire to have and be that it has become nearly impossible. I have made peace with this. Instead of breaking my back to have a well-balanced plate, I will now interchange what I don’t mind falling off based on the seasons of my life.

I have a friend who is really big on purpose and believes that everyone should have a mission statement. It is no wonder that he has a Ph.D. and just matched to his dream residency program to become a surgeon. Instead of writing out a mission statement, I realized that I needed to make a list of things that can never fall off the plate again under no circumstances. The list is as follows: my relationship with God, reading, my health, and professional development. Anything else can fall off except this short list.

The picture below is what is currently falling off.

As you can see, my health is falling off, which is not okay. I have pledged to myself to start prioritizing me.

I was talking to someone about how I am the same friend to all of my friends, which is a problem because I go above and beyond for everyone. I am learning now to go above and beyond for me first while learning how to calibrate my plate. Part of this reflection is something I can actually see visually. The plate is no longer balanced. It is literally tipping, with some areas carrying more weight than others, while my health is clearly slipping off.

If you have been following my journey, you know this is a lesson I’m always learning, but haven’t quite yet figured out. Here I am trying again and laser focused on becoming 1% better every day.

What does your plate look like? Are you focusing on the important things, or are they falling off the plate?

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Xoxo,

DD