I Am Losing My Cape

Cover image by wix

I used to think being strong meant never taking a break. I wore my busyness like a cape.

You don't have to watch a lot of marvel studio movies to know that "Superheroes wear capes". I used to pride myself on having it all together. I used to pride myself of doing well under pressure. When things are chaotic, I used to thrive. I would never take time off to process things. I would go and go and go.

The more therapy sessions I did, the more I realized that productivity is my coping mechanism. Usually, when something bad happen in my life, I go through it by doing the next big productive thing. I start new projects. Funny enough, I am writing this as my way to cope (but we will not talk about that just yet). When productivity is your coping mechanism, you don't see it yourself unless someone points it out to you. You may actually fight the people who point it out to you. I remember telling my therapist, I would rather cope and be successful instead of being paralyzed by pain. She asked me "but at what cost"? I actually answered " I don't like you".

For each successful things I accomplished, at the core there were something I didn't want to process. Recently, something happened and my friend asked me what leadership program I would apply for now. In the past, I would have fought her. But now I accept it. I accept it not as a badge of honor, but as a way to put my cape down. I went through a traumatic experience and decided I will feel all of my feelings and not be strong. The first thing I did was telling people what was going on. Believe me this is a big step for me. I don't like telling people what is going on in my life. I decided that I will not push through. I got sick and I rested. It took a while for my mind and body to get to a resting mode because I was fighting the rest. I had a million and one thing to do. I also didn't go to work and important events. I told my friend an event I skipped, she was so shocked that I would skip it. I was even in awe with myself.

This experience made me realize that certain people I used to say I need to be strong for were actually okay with me resting. They were okay waiting on me to do certain things for them. They were actually OKAY. All of this time, most of these expectations were in my head. Yes, society has a lot of expectations for me. But a lot of them I chose to do. I realized that I am not losing my cape, but I am reframing when to wear one. I gave it all to God and decided I am going to sleep and let him handle it. This is so freeing! Not worrying about fixing anything is AMAZING!

If you are the strong one in your family or friend group, I want to tell you that it is okay to rest. It is okay to reach out for help. It is okay to process your feelings. It is okay to put down your cape. The world will still be standing when you wake up from your nap. If you have a strong friend or family member in your life, send them this article and remind them to rest.

Losing our cape is okay. We were never meant to carry the weight of this world on our shoulders. We have a savior who is mighty to save waiting to come in to the rescue. You don’t have to keep proving your strength to anyone not even yourself. Your rest is not weakness, it’s trust. Trust that God is in control, even when you're not doing everything. That’s the real superpower.

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Xoxo,

DD