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Challenges of Moving to a New State



Image by Daenne's Journal



If you haven't read my article "I moved out of Florida", you should check it out. If you are a constant reader, you know I like to share the good and the bad of every experience with you. Moving to a new state is one of the most challenging experiences in my life. Even if I highly encourage moving to a new state or city at least once in a lifetime, I want to share what you will be in for.


Emergency suddenly will make you question the move.


I recently had a family emergency in late 2023 which made me question moving to a new state. This was the first time I ever questioned moving. I know that moving was God ordained for me, yet I still felt like I was too far when I needed to be there for my family. 5 hr 30 mins plane ride felt like an eternity. After I got home from this emergency the first week of January, I found out that my great uncle passed away. I needed to make another trip less than 3 weeks of being back in Las Vegas. My friends jokingly said you might as well move back. In that moment, I realized that two things can be true. I can want to be there for my family while genuinely love living in my new state.


When you are sick, you get homesick.


I don't usually get homesick, but I was homesick for the first time when I had covid for the first time in January 2022. Here we are again February 2024 with COVID. Someway, somehow I have COVID every year which I need to have a chat with God about. My mom calls to tell me all the Haitian remedies I should make. But it is not the same as having her make them. My friends checks on me, but it is not the same as having them stop by with groceries. As I was writing this article, one of my pastors from church offered to send some groceries my way. 2021 Daenne would have said no, but I said yes. I am grateful for my church family. I need to tell you all about them in another article.


Making friends become interesting.


I love people. Making friends has always been easy for me since I was a little girl. There is just something different about being in your late 20's making friends. When I first moved, I realized that I had all my meaningful friendships already and to make new ones would be somewhat cheating on them. At the beginning of the move, I was laser focused on my career and didn't really create time to foster any meaningful relationship. I had an ahah moment in January 2022 when I had COVID for the first time. I had no one to call. I didn't have a church home. I didn't have friends. Sure, I had my colleagues whom by the way stop by with a care package, but having close friends like I'm used to was missing. We are truly meant for community. After I got better, I told myself I will be more active with the whole looking for a church thing. I am happy to say that I have made some meaningful friendships. So much so that I even had people over multiple times. I even gave someone a key to pick up something at home while I wasn't there. If you move to a new state, making friends will take time specially if it's after college. But there is nothing that God cannot do.


You need to embrace isolation.


When you move, it will take time to make new friends. You will spend a lot of time by yourself. Based on your personality, it can be a good or a bad thing. Even for us extroverts it can be hard. When I first moved, I kept myself very busy. It was hard to notice isolation at first. It helped that I had a friend who moved to a different state around the same time as me. We talked EVERYDAY. That is the only person I talked to that much. Slowly, but surely I started to feel the isolation. I am on the west coast; all of my friends are on the east coast. The time difference made it more challenging to stay in touch past a certain time. After a couple of weeks of isolation, I started falling in love with quiet time. I started to understand what one of my good friends always meant by "I need time to recharge". If you know me, you know that I am always on the go. Moving has allowed me to be still and sit in that favorite little corner of mine. I am not kidding. There is a side of my couch that you can visibly see that is very well loved.


You will miss out on things.


You will also miss important milestones in your friends lives. It will be nearly impossible to attend every significant event. At the beginning, I tried to overcompensate. It was hard. I missed one of my friend's 30th birthday parties. I missed graduation ceremonies, dinners, baby showers, baptism and so much more. I love celebration. The most touching one for me is the tradition my brother and I have. We always count down to our birthdays together watching our favorite shows. We started doing that since we moved to the US. We used to do a version of that even when we were in Haiti. Missing these things affected me more than I care to admit, but I had to accept my new reality.



The kids continue to grow.


To know me, is to know how much I love my god babies. One of my greatest joys is to watch them grow and see their little personalities come out. When I first moved in october 2021, I went back in December 2021 for godson's first birthday. I went back in May 2022 for my goddaughters' birthday. I used to say that I am working for plane tickets. I just didn't want to miss important moments in their lives. Going to Florida recently made me realized that all I need is to be present. My godson gives the biggest hug (when he wants to anyways). When his mom asked me to shower him when I went over to do her nails (jokes on us), I was nervous because he is one active little boy. Honestly, I am proud to say that I did really good. We played throughout shower, but it was good. After shower, he was playing and being on the floor, I was like no no no, we just showered. Again, jokes on me. On another visit, I remember holding his brother for a long time since he will not let me hold him for that long anymore. How I missed him being a tiny little boy. I just took in that moment with baby boy. Internally, I was grateful for spending that time with him and wished mommy and daddy wouldn't ask for him back. Of course, they didn't. When I was saying bye, for the first time, he walked outside to say bye. My heart melted. He said bye so many times, and we hugged and said I love you way too many time to count. I realized when it comes to the kiddos being fully present and making memories is what truly matters.


The hardest one yet: You will grow apart with a lot of people.


It's hard, but it is true. You will eventually grow apart from some of your closest friends. Some other ones, you will grow closer to. I don't know how to explain this, but it just happens. There is not much you can do about it. I try to replay a lot of my friendships in my head, but I realized there is nothing I could do about any of the things that unfolded. It is humanly impossible to keep in touch with EVERYONE consistently while trying to navigate a new state, city, career, church, and so much more. I recently learned to give myself some grace.


Moving to a new state is undoubtedly challenging, but it's also incredibly rewarding. Along this journey, I've encountered moments of doubt, homesickness, and growth that have reshaped my perspective in profound ways. One moment stands out vividly: the first time I realized Las Vegas had become my true home. It was a culmination of countless experiences and emotions, and now, every time I'm away, I eagerly anticipate returning to the vibrant city that has captured my heart. As for the question of whether I'll ever move back to Florida, the answer remains uncertain. Only if it's divinely ordained and I unmistakably hear God's voice guiding me.



Image by Romie M


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Xoxo,


DD


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